What’s it like living in the U.K.? Well, I’ll tell you. It’s pretty great most of the time. I mean, sure the weather here is pretty shit, but at least we have great health care and public transport…

But I tell you what stinks. Baking!!!

Exhibit A:


Look at this. WOULD YOU JUST LOOK AT THIS. This is the BIGGEST bag of chocolate chips (even worse: called “drops!”) that Asda, which is like the U.K.’s version of Wal-mart, has to offer. THE HUMANITY! And this bag costed me at least 50p. Just think of the carnage of plastic baggies and coins I have to rip into to get a decent amount for my cookies, shake my head. I’m not even sure the free health care makes up for this if I’m being honest.

Exhibit B:


Yeah, this is me weighing out my godforsaken butter so that I can make some brownies. Forget the convenience of having them pre-wrapped in measured cup portions, noooo, everything is measured in grams here. For your information, a half-cup of butter is exactly 115 g… and your average package of butter here is 250 g. It’s not even EQUIVALENT.

On top of that, I tried using hot cocoa here to make brownies. I didn’t have any cocoa powder on hand, so I looked up an–danger, Will Robinson– American recipe that incorporated hot cocoa mix. Exhibit C is not shown, but it is the remnants of a batch of brownies gone wrong that now are residing at the bottom of my bin.

RIP, brownies.

I guess that’s what happens when you put actual chocolate in with butter and other stuff. It turns into a cement block that happens to taste like the devil’s arsehole. I think all this could have been rectified if I had used American hot cocoa, like the stuff you see coming out of satchels. (I now wonder: what even is that stuff??)

Anyway, I refused to give up after this and ended up redeeming myself with some chocolate chip cookies. I brought them along to board games with some a few pals, and they were a hit. Southern pride: still intact, but just barely!

I’ll end with this. Have y’all ever played Scrawl? It’s like… well, it’s sort of like the kid’s game Telephone. Where you whisper something into your friend’s ear and they whisper into their friend’s ear and so forth. (It’s called “Chinese whispers” here in the U.K., a little un-PC but what can you do eh!) Anyway, Scrawl is the board game version of that, except there’s a drawing element, then a written element. The first person gets a card, they draw what they see, the next person gets it (no context), writes what they see, the next person draws, etc. etc. Eventually the full spread makes its way back to you… and then you can see where everyone inevitably goes horribly wrong. It’s honestly amazing.

Here’s a photo of two that managed to replicate each other perfectly in a round! Emma’s on the right, mine on the left. Unfortunately someone translated one of the drawings as seen by the card on the table–that was Haitham’s understanding of it! Somehow, that guy managed to win the game. What is the world coming to?



2 thoughts on “23/2/17 – When Good Baking Goes Bad

    1. I honestly have no idea. It was bitter as hell, honestly gave me the boke upon trying it. I feel like I’d had back luck before trying to make brownies from scratch–so maybe it’s my own personal baker’s curse?


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